I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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