Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
