I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
