Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
