if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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