im about as happy as oj after his trial
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
