Sponge bath it is.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
