New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
