You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
