You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
