She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
