I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
