it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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