shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
