VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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