he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
