I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
