you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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