Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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