TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
