Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
