Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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