I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
