Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
