similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
