life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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