The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
