My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
