why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
