i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dicks are not precious.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
