Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
