i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
