so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
