I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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