i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
