also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just pee around me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
