so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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