How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
