Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
