you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were destined to go to rehab together
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
