never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
