I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
