i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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