Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
