The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Houston, we have a squirter
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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