Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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