I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
