You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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