wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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