There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
