So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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