If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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